The Taboo that is Miscarriage…

I have not managed to finish part 7 of our story yet, as I seem to have lost my words a little. I’m still struggling with a few things after our most recent loss earlier this year. I’ll tell the story properly when I get around to it, but in short, we had an embryo transfer in April and lost again in June. I was nearly 8 weeks pregnant with identical twins.

I may be finding things a little bit difficult right now, however I feel extremely passionate about publishing a blog post today. Today is Baby Loss Awareness Day, and as 1 in 4 of us know only too well, it’s that there is a real taboo surrounding miscarriage and people don’t, or won’t, talk about it. This really needs to change.

The featured image in this post is of the candles that we have lit tonight, for the Global Wave of Light. There are two candles, with 4 flames, one for each of our angel babies.

When I talk about miscarriage, I’m not looking for any sympathy, I really really don’t need it. Lyn and I have a superb support network and we’ve been open about everything with family and friends. We are so lucky for that, and being comfortable and unashamed to talk about it, is how we’ve gotten through it. I talk about our losses to raise awareness of baby loss, to educate those fortunate enough to have never experienced it, and to try to change peoples perceptions on miscarriage. Why should we hide it? Over the years, I have been told many a time that I should keep our losses quiet, as no-one needs to hear it. It’s our business, not theirs. In a way, I do understand because I used to be quite private in that sense, however in so many other ways, I really really don’t understand that opinion at all. Not one bit. If I had a low blood sugar, society wouldn’t bat an eyelid. If ‘Mr Jones’ down the road had a heart attack, he would get the support from the community and his network of family and friends that he needs, so why is it different for baby loss?? It is a well known opinion that you should wait until 12 weeks to reveal your pregnancy, just in case you lose. But what does that say to a woman if she does end up losing? That she should feel guilty and ashamed of being open about it, that’s how. It’s as though miscarriage is a very scary word, but the truth is, if you lose a baby, at any stage in your pregnancy, you will need support from those around you, and you will need to talk about it.

I dealt with this recent loss a little bit better than the first two, and I truly believe that it’s because I finally realised that it is not my fault, and I realised it, because I have been open about it and talked to a lot of people about our situation. Their support has helped us to come to terms with our losses and I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to each of them, because without them, we’d be in a far deeper hole than we are right now.

Miscarriage is so incredibly painful and the loss that you feel will never ever leave your soul, but talking about it will make it a little bit easier to deal with. Like I said above, I don’t want sympathy. In fact, I couldn’t think of anything worse, but what I want from this post is your support in reducing the stigma that surrounds talking about baby loss. Miscarriage happens to 1 in 4 women. It happens every single day and it’s likely that it has happened to you, or someone close to you. Please help me today, by sharing this post or one of the pictures, or by sharing your own experience of baby loss.

Together we can break down the taboo, just please keep talking.