I’ve been AWOL, but there’s a really good excuse….

Hi Everyone,

I haven’t posted here for a while and I am so sorry for the silence, but I have had an eventful 18 months…

After 9 years, 7 embryo transfers and 3 miscarriages resulting in the loss of 4 babies, it finally happened for us. I got pregnant and carried not 1, but two beautiful babies to 33+2 weeks. They are called Ollie and Sophie and we will be celebrating their first birthday next month. I still pinch myself every single day that it happened for us, not sure I fully believe that they are mine sometimes and I will look forward to telling you all about them soon enough, there’s plenty to say, believe me. We are so incredibly blessed.

However, amongst all of the joy and wonderfullness, there was and still is a lot of stress and anxiety. Pregnancy after ivf and loss was so much harder than I ever thought it would be, but it turns out that parenting after loss is even harder. The anxiety and fear from 9 brutally painful years is deep rooted and extremely difficult to navigate, especially in the first few months when hormones are extreme. This is something that I plan on talking about in future blog posts. It needs highlighting, because it came as a real shock to me. I naively expected to have my miracle babies and leave the trauma of the last 9 years at the hospital doors. I didn’t ever expect to forget it, I knew that I was changed forever thanks to our journey to Ollie and Sophie, but I didn’t think that the anxiety I felt would manifest itself into the unimaginable fear of losing my children, and have almost a daily impact on my life. 

But, before I talk about all of that, I would like to finish what I started and bring you all up to speed in our story. I think I left it at our trip to zita west in London!! So, this is my plan over the next few weeks, lots of writing. Mind you, I can’t promise that I will deliver on time. Life with twins is gloriously hectic and they may be sleeping well at the moment, giving me a little more time to write, but that can change at the drop of a hat!!!

I’m so incredibly excited to be writing again, it honestly brings me such pleasure and after so much time has passed, I truly hope that we can resume our friendship and pick up where we left off !!

So on that note, I’ll leave you with a few photos of my miracle duo and look forward to seeing you all soon!!!

Much love,

Em x

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